I've been debating for an hour if I should write this. It's sort of either writing it out, not sleeping for the rest of what's left before the sun rises or turning on the lights to write it down on paper which is not the best thing. The last thing I want to do is flood social media with me moping about here and there because it's not the best thing in the world when there's so much negativity around. But I'm not negative tonight though. I'm not sad, I'm not pessimistic. I'm just sleepless. I find it pretty hilarious how you discover a lot on your sleepless nights. You find out things about yourself that has either been there, rotting just for you to realize and something's you find out on the spot. There's also the part of unnecessary thoughts and rekindling of old memories that doesn't nothing good to you no matter how hard you dig it up or try to re-live them. But loneliness has not slapped me in the face this hard before until tonight. Not empty, but lonely. Not the 'I don't have any friends' lonely. The 'I just need someone to tell me its okay to not know what you're doing with your life' lonely. I honestly don't know if that made any sense at all. But 4:11AM Zoe (yes, PST time zone guys) doesn't make much sense but ramble on and on about pointless things. But there are just nights and times when you feel so urgghhh. I don't think there's any other better words for it but Urgh and nrrgggghhhhhhh. Its like I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm still awake. Its more of something called boredom and deprivation, I think? Hahaha oh gosh where am I going with this. I was actually hoping to write myself to sleep. But I don't think that this is going to work anymore. Haha. A friend of mine used to tell me to count sheep if I couldn't sleep. Don't think that works either. Okaayyyyy.
Goodnight world.
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