Hello hello!
Yes, yet again, I have been gone. But during this hiatus I have achieved a lot of things and not do a lot of things. But most importantly, I was home bound for 2 weeks and I'm here to tell you about the things my eyes has been opened to this whole trip. While nobody is going to read this, I believe 21 year old Zoe would in the near future.
So this trip back home was completely last minute. And truthfully I was not prepared to go back. When I told my close circle that I was coming back, they were excited to see me. I too was excited to see them. But at the same time I wasn't prepared to go back. To those who has left home and moved somewhere else you understand that trips back home when you haven't really exactly settled into your "new home" yet can be truly brutal. It can either scream, "I WANT TO GO HOME!" or it can be a realization that moving was a good idea and you just haven't completely seen it yet.
To me, I was really scared of going home because going home was comfort. It was where everyone I loved was, it was where my family was, it was where 17 years worth of life was. I was afraid of opening old wounds when I had to come back. It was like leaving and packing up once again. The pain that was once unexplained, relieved once again.
As the dates grew closer, I was even more gutted because I realized how much school work I had to miss, how important this class was because I needed it to graduate, how much responsibilities I had to the point that this whole trip back was not worth my time. I guess you can say I saw things at a very pessimistic angle. Anyways, my friend here kept telling me that there is nothing to worry about. Classes and school work is easy peasy for me and I'd get it done. Needless to say, my teachers were even very confident in the fact that I'd be responsible and there's no problems at all throughout this whole process.
Two days before leaving I went to see my teacher to get all my assignments. I decided to finish all 14 assignments in 24 hours so I had nothing to worry about when I came back home. That went pretty well. I did complete everything and it felt great. When I was at my 8th assignment, my brain was pretty fried and thank God for a friend because he took me out and gave me a break. I got home pretty late too, that day. But I got home, completed assignments 9 to 12 and fell asleep on the table and woke up in the middle of the night to miserably crawl myself into bed. The next morning I promised myself no breakfast until I finished all my assignments.
The day came when I had to fly off. I endured 3 flights in one day, my 3rd flight got delayed by 50 minutes and made me late for dinner with my friends. We were supposed to meet at 7pm, but I touched down at 7:15pm instead. It was so hard to endure because I was so anxious to see my friends. Nevertheless, I was late, I showered and washed my hair in 5 minutes and we made it to Nandos!
The next week was filled with the company of family.
...
After that line, I did take a break, because I guess I don't know what else to write about my week after that. My week after that was amazing. I got back one day earlier( I was supposed to be back on Sunday, but we traveled on Sunday so my extra day was Monday) and that itself was filled with a last minute plan with the best friend, family-filled day. Monday was the day of goodbyes, where everybody left to their respective homes and I had a whole week of plans ahead of me. On Monday evening I sprung out a last minute plan on my friend and we ended up just driving(which also included the fact that I got to drive very very briefly) and going to a carwash, which was odd because you'd kind of expect it was the old school, get out of the car and they'll wash it for you, or the drive through machine thing, but instead this was both where you sit in your car and they actually wash it for you. It's pretty cool. On Tuesday I got to see two of my schoolmates who were my recess buddies who'd always steal your food and drinks. It consisted of never ending old habits, talks about our lives and how the past 10 months has been. Time flew by and we said our respective goodbyes as I headed off to the next plan. This next plan consisted of a car breaking down, playing a half a million baby grand piano, window shopping, choosing an expensive place to eat dinner just because of the music and an amazing time right after that. The next day was filled with mishaps the first part of the morning. We found out that someone close to us had passed, some plans had to be canceled, but I stuck to mine and everyone met up at the mall, once again, it was filled with last minute plans, dinner that dragged on to late night talks until the gang left at midnight. Honestly, by that day I was tired. But the plans kept on going. The next morning consisted of someone who I haven't seen in a while, it was a lot of fun. I got to go cafe hoping, taste berry tasting coffee, take more OOTD shots, ordered cake that had the most sour topping, scribbling on majong paper and being so stupid as to how we could transfer HD pictures when Bluetooth was an option all along. The day after that was a best friend filled day. We watched 2 movies, had famous amos all with milk, talked and cried until 3AM, got up at 7AM the next day for a workout sesh, had an amazing lunch, came home to a Skype session with the one in Australia that lasted for about 4 hours, headed over to church, see familiar faces, walked up to an alter call, got prayed for, cried my heart out, yet again and then we had supper and went home. The next morning was really just last minute. But I headed over to Starbucks to meet a friend, and we were supposed to take the bus together and head over for the best friend's sister's fashion show, but at one point it didn't exactly turn out right. I had to call on reinforcements and eventually we made it. Last minute turned to even more last minute because I followed the best friend back to her place and she made me watch Over The Garden Wall (I believe it's called?) and yet another last minute, she dyed my hair blueish green. I underestimated the time that was needed to wash out the dye in your hair, especially when it's a color like blue, I had a plan right after that too and I kind of stained the whole bathroom little splatters of blue as I was washing the dye out. OOPS. The next day, I headed over with the best friend to see my old school, the people in it, the teachers that I have made friends with and has nurtured me, teaching me lessons not written in the textbook, my aunts came down for the day, we went shopping and for the weirdest mood, I was in a very very very terrible mood. I'm guessing it's really because I had to pack up and leave. But I had the best friend and her sister and the babi over for a few hours as we conversed and I was trying my best not to break down until they left. I succeeded, I didn't break down until they drove away, which was good and I spent the night literally just questioning why I had to pack and I didn't know exactly what to bring with me and what to not, because nothing else would fit in my bag that people would deem as large. The next morning we all headed to the airport, with mishaps and being late, my friends and I formed a circle in the middle of an airport like it was my territory. My best friend wrote me a note, my other friend wrote me a song, and I'm so thankful for that. Soon after that, I had to board and that was the end of my really really wonderful week.
There wasn't really a lot of tears. I got home to my bed and my pillows at 1AM and did not actually sleep until 3. But the day when I got back to school felt pretty darn great. My teachers were so welcoming and the people I never thought I existed to were glad to see me again. With this being said, that had made me feel so welcomed and so assuring that it's not wrong to feel like I belong in somewhere new.
Well, that's about it. Initially, the whole plan was to write this post situated on how important you can be to someone and how you don't see how much of an impact you make on somebody and this and that. But I've been trying to finish this for the past week and a half since I've got home, but I can't really bring myself to do it, hence the title. But obviously, no one is going to read this. So why do I try? Meh.
Thank you to those who made my trip meaningful. I really appreciate it and I hope to see you guys soon.
You know who you are.
