Hello again. I know I'm being highly inappropriate for disappearing for so long. Although, I know that it probably doesn't matter very much if I hit the publish button or not. But through this whole hiatus I've been at it again. By it I mean abstaining from picking up my phone or my laptop to start typing out my feelings. I understand that "artists" or "creative people" gets their drive from emotional situations or Sam Smith wouldn't have written a Grammy award for his album. But when it comes to me, I guess there's a line between producing something that is actually art or something that is annoyingly depressive.
But through this whole hiatus, I've haven't been up to much. I've been feeling very unproductive and my life has consisted of school, lunch, sleep, TV and sleep. Honestly, I wouldn't want to call myself depressed anymore, because I know what depression does to me and I certainly do not want to be her anymore. Anyways, as of right now, I still don't know how to yank myself out of this situation without sounding too hopeless and helpless. Earlier last week one of my friends briefly commented on the fact that my social media is spreading a lot of negativity. Not in those exact words, but along the lines of those. And I just shrugged it off because it was normal. Its something that I have been told for years and days after that it got me thinking.
I wanted to say a few things regarding it to him at that time. I was going to say suck it up, because it's my social media. But at the same time, I sort of understand why I do. And it's not a good reason to hide behind but ultimately, I don't reach out. Not because I don't have anybody. But sometimes things are really too stupid and petty to rant about. Then there's also the fact that if I were one of my friends, I honestly wouldn't want to listen to me as well. Time difference has been an issue and I'm lonely. Posting my sorrows on social media seems to actually be the only option because then at least I know that someone is actually reading.
But that's not the right way to go, now is it? It isn't right. I guess that's what I've been doing with this blog. Abstaining from posting really depressive things because the world just has enough of it. But what about us? What about the ones who are weaker than the ones who are able to put on a show, the ones that are able to lie about their feelings? I don't see why anyone should lie about their feelings. Because it's pointless to fake happiness when it only kills you inside. People keep saying that we need to keep our masks of smiles and laughter on because the world is too broken, that the people in it are too broken. Here's my question though : are you doing anything about it to help the situation? Or is the world supposed to be oblivious and put on their own masks and mind their own problems? Because cringing away from sadness and denying it's presence and sweeping it under the carpet and expecting it to go away is not how it works. Don't expect someone to sweep their problems under the carpet just so you can keep your perfect picture of a perfect, beautiful world. I honestly believe that if you think depression is cringe worthy you would do something to help, rather than sit back and complain as to why someone isn't strong enough to conceal their feelings.
