Still Madly In Love

Aside from my love for notebooks, writing, doodling, painting and doing absolutely nothing, ballet is still a very very big part of me. I guess once you go ballerina, you never go back. I guess if you used to dance, you'd know what I mean when I say that daily works and actions have a little dance incorporated in it. So this is me dedicating my huge huge mad love for my pointe shoes that I literally saved up and spent RM330 for. 

Zoe

2:09AM

I've never really been one of those people in school who mattered a lot. Sure, I did a lot of things in school and I was always involved with activities out of classes like photography, performing, prefect duties, secretary of a club duties and everything but scoring A in my classes. But even through all of that, I wasn't the first thought in everyone's mind when they needed someone or something. I'm not wallowing in self pity. But you guys know the person I'm talking about. That one person who almost always pops into your mind when you need a favor or if you're really just thinking of someone. It's that person that will be talked about years and years after school is behind you, the person you'll sometimes wonder about when you stare into space. Thing is, I've always waned to be that person. I've always wanted to make a bigger impact on people. I've always wanted to be social, I've always wanted that attraction that most people have that I don't. Instead, I'm actually very unapproachable. I'm the one who prefers hanging out in the library when she goes to a new school, the one who likes sitting alone at empty tables and the one who acts like she has a lot to do instead of making friends.

Now, if you know me, or if you're still in my life then you would know that each and every single one of my friendship didn't start from me approaching you first. I guess that's really selfish of me? But I guess, yet again, if you know me, friendships are effortless and if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I'm pretty sure that's exactly why I do not have a lot of friends. But, there's always a but. But, I'm thankful for the small number of friendships that I have that means so much to me, no big enough number can put a cap on it. Sometimes, I do wish I could do it all over again and be someone who matter. I do wish that I didn't have to move and maybe, just maybe I'd have people I can physically run to when I need some support. But instead, I'm stuck with a five inch touch screen and internet and a messaging app with a very challenging thing called different time zones. I often find myself typing up a whole ranty message to one of my bestfriends and deleting it moments after without hitting the send button because I know that when they wake up and read it, I'll be asleep and by the time I wake up, it really won't matter as much anymore. It won't matter as much anymore because all I really want is people to go through life with me as it happens and there's no use to talk about things that upsets me the day after. Well, that's what I say. But look at me, it clearly does upset me or I really wouldn't be up at 2:23AM not being able to sleep and typing this whole ranty blog post.

At the same time, I feel like it's the same for them. Except that two of them are still home and one of them has found herself somewhat settled. Truth be told, I am not settled. My heart is still very well packed up and ready to go home. That's another big word. Home. It has been 478 days, which makes one year, three months and twenty days since I've packed up and left home. You'd think that by now I'd be settled and have a life. But honestly, I have never felt more out of place than I've ever been. Why? Because right now, it's way to long since to still declare, "I moved here not too long ago". It's been too long for it to matter, it's basically old news. People basically assume that I'm settled and I have it all figured out. But honestly, I don't have anything figured out. I just want it all back. Yet, the things I want back wouldn't want me back. Actually, I don't even want to talk about the fact that I came from somewhere else other than here because there's just too much to talk about and most of it doesn't really matter. Nobody gives two thoughts about where you're from and what it's like. I don't even know which place is home anymore because I really don't feel like I belong anywhere. They say don't settle for second best. That's all I can settle for right now.

I keep wanting to be like everybody else because it feels like there's no place in the world for me and then at the same time I have this voice in my head telling me that I'm great the way I am. But after that, I get upset for not being as pretty as her and how my pictures that I take is not as great as his, my body isn't skinny enough like hers and how I cannot sing like her and how my personality is not as great and how I wish I mattered more. I get so busy wanting the things that I shouldn't be wanting and trying to be the wrong person when I should really be me. Well, a little encouragement would do. I know I'm approaching a new chapter in my life and it's really time for me to fess up and act my age, or maybe even more mature than my age. All I've ever wanted for someone to say, "you're doing great" or, "you'll do fine" and for me to actually believe it. I know that nobody gets it easy in this world and nobody gets the "encouragement" that they yearn because we're all alone in this big, cruel, lonely world. I know that me being in such a mess right now is so 14 year old me.

Everybody needs somebody. Maybe I'm just not that somebody that everyone needs.

LA and Ed Sheeran - June

It just occurred to me that I never blogged about LA and Ed Sheeran in June. Well, I am here to do just that. I guess I'll just let the photos do the talking.

In San Francisco, we had a little treat called, "CREAM" which really stands for cookies rule everything around me. It's essentially a pick your own cookie and ice cream flavour to create your own combination of quirky flavours that actually go really well together. I'd definitely go back.

It started off from San Francisco, we started driving to Santa Ynez and stopping at Monterey Bay for an hour for lunch.

Monterey Bay, everybodeeehhhh. This tree though, was a really great place for a family photo shoot. 

After being on the road for hours, we stopped by this really cute Danish town called Solvang which was 15 minutes away from our hotel in Santa Ynez. That night we had McDonald's for dinner and watched Jurassic World for a midnight movie. Our hotel was right next to this tiny cinema which was so cool.

The next morning, we drove and stopped by in Santa Barbara for a bit before we hit the road again for Los Angeles, the city of angels. 

That evening itself, we hit the pier of Santa Monica. I would say it is one of my favourite places I have ever been to. The amount of people there could really reduce a little, if I were to be honest. I don't do well with crowds. But for Santa Monica, I'd do it all over again. 

The next day, was Hollywood. Did not enjoy Hollywood. But I'm glad to say I've been there and done that.

In Beverly Hills we had the most amazing green tea crepe with nutella and vanilla ice cream. Holy moley. It was amazing. 

Before the brother and I got on a plane back to San Francisco, we headed to this place got Urth Cafe for brunch. BOY WAS IT AMAZING.

We went back to Santa Monica beach for a little picnic before we were sent to LAX to part ways.

En route : San Francisco!

The next morning, we were stuck in a very bad traffic jam on the way to Berkeley to see Ed Sheeran. In terms of city, I prefer San Francisco than LA. 

It was lovely to have Rixton open for us at Berkeley, I appreciate artists who can perform as well as they are on record. Ed Sheeran was needless to say, the best I've ever heard. I have no words. 

And that was LA and Ed Sheeran in June.

Flowers : The Birthday Edition

Ready to buy me a macro lens yet? :P 

The Sephora Haul - Birthday Edition

You really hardly ever see me in Sephora. But when I do, I don't really go out with a bang either. This is more of a splurge, as it was my birthday month. And when you shop at Sephora during your birthday month you get a free something. Which might totally be a marketing strategy, buy hey, it works. To be fair I only bought two things and the whole package came with seven things.

Paco Rabanne Million Dollar Eau De Toilette.

Viktor&Rolf Flowerbomb Eau De Parfum.

 Marc Jacobs Daisy Eau So Fresh.

Nars lip pencils in Cruella and Rikugien.

CLINIQUE Acne Solutions BB Cream Broad Spectrum SPF 40.

Benefit's How To Look The Best At Everything kit in Light.

Sephora's purifying and mattifying mud mask.

The birthday gift was the two Nars lip pencils in Cruella, which is the red one and had a matte finish and Rikugien which is the more nudey shade that had a tiny bit of shimmer in it with a satin finish. I'd have to say though, the shade Rikugien was very similar to the Estee Lauder's Secret Kiss Shimmer Lipstick. They were both really similar with a tinee tiny difference of the undertones. Cruella, as the name suggests was a very Cruella deville shade. To me, it reminded me of the colour that Snow White had on her lips. It wasn't really dusty, but it felt more of a slightly muted red. 

When I first opened it, I must admit that I thought it was a twist-able lip pencils like the Revlon Colorstay lip stain/balms/stick things. But after reading reviews online, it is the ones that you have to sharpen. Remember to put them in the fridge before you sharpen them so you lose less product (or so they say.)

The Paco Rabanne Million Dollar Eau De Toilette has the top notes of grapefruit, mint and blood orange combined with the heart notes of rose, cinnamon and blond leather and the base notes of white woods, amber and patchouli. The website actually claims for it to be fragrance for men, but to be honest it smells like a very sweet, night out smell. Which I actually adore.  

 Viktor&Rolf Flowerbomb Eau De Parfum, this scent is what I associate with "ang mo lang smell". Having lived outside of the US for almost all my life, there's always this smell that every ang mo lady has when they come to visit. I kid you not, my mum agrees with me on this. So this to me is very a very fruity but heavy sophisticated night out smell, yet again. 

And the one that I was most excited for, the Marc Jacobs Daisy Eau So Fresh. If you know me, you'd know that I love rose scents, or mostly flower scents and I pretty much used to smell like rose most of the time. As the name suggests, this does smell very fresh. If you've used the Not Your Mother's Clean & Fresh dry shampoo, it smells like that with a bit more of a sweetness to it. But to me, it reminds me of cucumbers and mint and flowers. 

All in all, my favorite would have to be the Paco Rabanne one :)

Now if you know me, you'd know that foundation and I do not have a mutual understanding. 

I really really hate the whole disgusting sticky feeling that a foundation has. Even the texture, gives me creeps. And with an acne filled face, I don't enjoy putting things over it to cover it up because it makes me feel like I'm poking the sleeping bear and awaiting a major breakout. So anyways, I saw this kit on the website and I thought it was pretty interesting because it all came in sample sizes? So I didn't feel like it would be a big deal if I didn't like it. I could use it all up really fast. One of the few things that intrigued me was the fact that the Hello Oxygen Wow Foundation was very lightweight. I did a little research before buying it and the foundation was almost a watery-sunscreen texture that settled on the skin really well. I actually was really surprised because I forgot I had it on when I put it on. I'm not the biggest fan on the cream concealer, but the whole kit works. I understand the hype behind the pore-fessional, it was definitely better than the Cover FX mattifying one.  I'd give it a thumbs up. And the packaging is so adorable. 

This is a deluxe sample version of the Clinique acne solutions BB cream. It had the same texture as the Hello Oxygen Wow foundation, which was another big plus. They both do have a very light coverage, which I guess is great so you don't look like your out on the red carpet everyday. Even with these two in my collect, I still don't really enjoy foundation that much. But I'll try to make them work. 

Having never used a mud mask before, (I've only ever used the peel off and the clay ones) I think this was pretty great. It didn't have a bad smell and it wasn't that bad to wash off. And it is a bigger tub than what you see in the picture. It's almost palm sized and the mud is a gray-cement looking blob of thing. 

I'm pretty satisfied with what I got this time round, Stay tuned for next year's round because birthdays are the only time I walk into Sephora. 

:) 

Zoe