BEFORE READING THIS, IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE LONG ESSAYS AND RANTING AND SEE ME AS A SPOILED BRAT WHO ONLY KNOWS HOW TO WHINE AND COMPLAIN, JUST CLICK EXIT. HOWEVER, IF YOU'RE A TEENAGER AND KNOW THAT I MAKE SENSE, THEN PLEASE READ ON. OR NOT.
I'm pretty sure that you have been wondering why nobody likes to spend time outside of their own rooms nowadays. And also, not forgetting the fact that when you ask me, "how are you?" I really just say, "like that lo" which really leaves to your own perception of how you think I have been doing. Why do I do this? Let's just say that people hear what they want to hear, and people think what they want to believe. And, that to me, its really the only way I know how to survive through this whole "situation" that you have put me through. If you think that the only reason why I've been keeping myself locked up in my room is because I'm going through the whole, "teenager" phase, let me enlighten you on the subject and tell you why it is not because I am merely a teenager and trying to keep myself sane and respectable as a person the best way I can.
1. I am really, really uninterested in the circumstances that you put me/us through. And being a teenager/young adult/almost legal person, I'd have to suck it up and take it like a matured person. The problem is also I guess in the fact that being my age, I only really have two choices : to suck it up, or to lash out. But obviously, being the person that you have brought me up to be, I have to just suck it up and accept the circumstances. There really is only one problem regarding this matter which brings me to the second issue I have.
2. Having me suck it up and deal with it, just because this is the way things are is not a very good thing for a young adult. You expect us to stand up for what is right, speak our minds and be honest and not let others step over you. And I cannot do either of that because somehow, in the household, every line just blurs. We are expected to bow our heads when we are told, keep quiet without being told(because it is implied), say yes regardless of the shit we get put through and smile through everything, even though we know it's wrong. Doing this is merely restricting us from our rights to stand by the things that are right. I often question the whole logic behind this. You tell us to grow up and be amazing kids, do what's right regardless of the cost, but here you are probably knowing, or not knowing that your ethics are wrong beyond question.
3. Suddenly, being about 60 years old means that you are always right. We are all humans, not everybody is right all the time. But the worst part of all of this, is the whole concept that if you're very much older than me, means you're always right. What exactly is with elders and the fact that they can punish us for our mistakes but they can never admit to their mistakes themselves? You teach us humility. You teach us to apologize when we do something wrong, and you teach us to never speak out of line. But you also make us loathe you for never accepting that sometimes, you may be wrong too. Have you ever wondered about the way things might turn out if you guys accept and admit that you've been wrong every once in a while? I know you've been 18 once in your lifetime, and you surely understood what it was like to stand beneath an elder who was point blank wrong and still nod your head and have them not admit to their mistakes. All I'm asking really, is a little more understanding.
4. Being an adult but never actually acting like one. Here's how I view adults. I see them as people who deserves my respect, not only for being at least 40 years older than me, but also for the fact that they've been through so much, they'd be wise enough to understand the things that we are going through. NOT act as if they are immortal, perfect and has never made mistakes or suffer like we do. I also do not expect from them the arrogance and stubborn-ness that they have within them. I expect an adult that I respect to be a person who, even if they do make mistakes, are not afraid or humiliated to admit to their mistakes and apologize for being out of line. I do not expect an adult to mess up but still stand firm with the fact that they we're never wrong and their actions were never ever out of line. I also do not expect adults to be those people who sees that the rules part like the red sea for them, like the rules do not apply to them, when it should clearly do.
5. Just as people say, babies and toddlers learn from observing their parents. Sure, it does start there, but need me remind you, that teenagers observe the elders and learn from them too. Now, let me ask you. How do you expect us to act like you tell us to, but we don't see it coming from you? For the longest time, while growing up, family has been my ideal role model. My perception of them, were that they were the ones I respected, they were the ones who deserved my respect because they have lived far longer than I have, and has been through a lot of issues that should've or would've been almost similar to my own. Thus, with that knowledge, they would or should be the most understanding human beings I know. Regardless of that, I have grown up to seeing humans accuse each other for not doing or following ethics and rules that they have set for themselves and others. My rule about life is pretty simple. If you lay terms out on a table, they apply to everyone at every corner of the table. Everything is a two way street. Respect is given to me, if I see respect from you. Now, just because I'm expect to bow at your feet because I'm younger does not mean that I expect you to bow at min because you're older. But I do expect your own version of it. There are many many ways of showing a person, who is younger than you respect.
6. Now, I really don't mean to sound like a spoiled brat. But life isn't all about nodding your head and saying yes like a puppet. I'm pretty sure if that was the sole purpose of things, we'd be inanimate objects, instead of being people who breathes and has voices to speak up against what's right or what's wrong. So please, just because we're much younger than you doesn't mean you have the rights to take away our voices to stand up for what's right. Just because you're 40 years older doesn't mean that we have to take the things, (who are clearly wrong) as they are, for what they are, just because you pull the, "you do as I say, when I say it, when I want it."
7. Now, here's the thing. I expect adults to handle situations like adults. I expect you to sit down and talk to me about things if circumstances are changing and not hide behind the whole, "I'm an adult, do as I say facade. I will, take it as an adult if you give it to me like an adult. Anybody can play at the whole, "I will not explain myself, just do as things are" game. Kids can play at that game. I can play at that game. And suddenly, when I give you a taste of the way that you've been treating me, I suddenly become immature and childish. Honestly, I wish I knew what you are thinking. I try so hard to be a mature person regardless of the situation. But one wrong move and I suddenly am not worthy of any of the respect that I have mercilessly given.
But of course, as a kid who is 18, I don't know what I'm talking about, I am speaking wayyyyyy out of line and I'm being a spoiled brat for saying things that nobody dares to say.
Sorry not sorry.
Now, I'm not implying that I'm the most mature person in the whole wide world. But I'm trying. At least, give me that.
- Zoe
