Ho ho ho, that tragic word. To those of you who has almost everything figured out, cheers to you because I don't know where I'm going with my life. We headed out to a college fair earlier today and I obviously stood there dumbfounded because I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do. And funnily enough, people might say that it's completely okay to not know now, what they want to do in the future because what you major in or have a degree in is not essentially what you end up doing. But to be honest, I'm the type of person who likes to work according to plan. I plan things and I need them to go in order. Not to say that I'm not spontaneous, but I like a whole layout of things and roughly have things figured out before I do anything.
So there I was at the college fair, and I didn't know what I wanted. Now, there's a difference between what you want to do and what you can do. What I want to do is very simple to list out. I want to most probably major in dance. But it's not very realistic because I cannot picture myself doing something dance related for the rest of my life. It's not completely ideal either because I did quit for a reason. Thus, I just miss the idea of it, not the whole thing. As for photography, its something I do leisurely. It's not something I am entirely good at, it's not something I can do for the rest of my life either.
Writing however is something I enjoy. But just like dancing, I don't want to turn it into something I hate. Because when something becomes a must not a want, that's when you start to hate it. I don't want to put writing on a pedestal and say that that's what I want to focus on, only to stumble upon a bigger hurdle and realize that it's not for me. Basically I'm trying to preserve my little escape when I have nobody to talk to, or when I just need to stop thinking and rant/vent about little things in life that people face, e.g. now.
It is also something I do when I only have the mood to. Which is why the future cannot be based on solely that because nothing would work out if you just go according to moods and feelings. It's highly unreliable and certainly not ideal.
Blogging is pretty fun. As you can tell, sometimes I like to let the pictures do the talking. Sometimes I like to rant about things. And I do try to keep things entirely positive and life related because I know it's things that people go through and I'm certainly not alone in this one. So here I am, trying to think about what I want to do with my life. I am very confident that something will turn out soon enough, but it doesn't mean that I can stop thinking about it. I do need to think about it, I do need to figure out what I need to do, what I can do, what I should be doing.
I am not the best at making decisions, I'm not the best at deciding and putting my finger on things. I kinda wish I was one of those who knew what they wanted to do ever since they were young, but I guess that isn't me. So I guess for those of you who don't know what they are going to do with their life after high school, you're not alone!
When I do figure things out though, I will let you know. But for now,
Have a great week ahead! :)
Zoe
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