Birthdays! | Thoughts

So as I write this I am seriously debating if I'm going to actually post this or leave this as a draft. But nevertheless, I will get to it. So to be honest I don't have the birthday vibes this year. I absolutely don't. There were a few thoughts that went through my mind a few hours ago while I was busy bumming and enjoying the day because there was no homework today. (YAY!) So anyways, I had two thoughts in particular.

  1. I don't see the point in celebrating my birthday. 

Because honestly, what is there to celebrate? 

I am far from home, I don't really belong, 

nothing is really that exciting. 

All I kept asking myself was, 

"What's the point?" 

I even went up to a point where I told

a few of my friends on Whatsapp that there was 

absolutely no need for wishes or cakes 

and a celebration when they 

asked me if I had plans for the day. 

THEN, I thought,

2. Wow. 17. 

And guess what? I'M STILL HERE!

If you all didn't know, this year's calender and dates are exactly

the same as the one in 1997. And to be honest, 

it has blown my mind trying to fathom how

it has been 17 years. And that is a 

pretty long time. I realized how blessed I have been,

how much I have grown, how much I have learned, 

how much I have seen, the things that I have went through, 

the people I have met, the ones that I've kept 

and the ones that I left. It's a crazy thought, trying to think back to 

the times when I was younger and couldn't stop wishing to be older

and now I kinda just want things to stop. So I guess instead of 

trying so hard to sulk over "what's the point in celebrating when everything is crap"

I'm asking myself, why not celebrate? Because I remember so clearly it says, 

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18 

by celebration though, I don't mean a cake and parties and lavish-ness. 

By celebrating I mean, giving thanks and learning to be content with all that I have

and not asking for more because all this is enough. It's perfect the way it is. 

Even if it means the situation that I am in now. 

And that's something that I believe everyone needs to do. 

You just need to stop for a moment and take it all in. 

Take in the fact that you shouldn't be asking for more

because there's already too many things to be thankful for. 

Like the fact that I am so far away from home, 

it's an opportunity that not everybody gets. 

Like maybe how I have an amazing family to be thankful for. 

Or maybe just the fact that I am loved and so immensely blessed. 

So it has been 17 years of amazingness. Ups and downs, 

tears and laughter, a little bit of everything. And without a doubt it has been great. 

I have spent this whole week waking up with the worst mindset. It started off with the whole, "FML" mindset. Then came the horrifying ingrown toe nail Wednesday and I had to walk to and back from school with it, only to come back having to spend a whole hour trying to cut it off. Also, I had a test yesterday that I wasn't very fond of (WHICH I MIGHT ADD I GOT a 91% on it :DDDDD ) . I let little little things get to me. And I was really angry at the world, at life, at everything. I was so annoyed. I kept on asking myself "what's the point in celebrating when there's nothing great for a celebration?". Now, I'm still not very hyped for my birthday tomorrow, after all it's really just another day. But I couldn't be more thankful for everything. And that is what we all need to be. Thankful, grateful and appreciative. So, the whole point is that there is always something to be thankful for, it's just the way you decide to see it. 

Here's a few past birthday pictures. 

2013

The Sweet 16

2012

2011

2010

2006

When everybody was young and I was 9. 

 2014. 

There are really countless amount of things to be thankful for

and I'm trying my best because I remember sulking most of my way through 

in 2012 and you only get each day once and it's never coming back. 

So why not try and make the most out of it, even if circumstances aren't the best, right? 

Don't sulk your way through. You'll regret it. 

:)

Happy September 5th! 

Zoe