What I love | Life

So I've been dancing and playing the piano for about a decade of my life now. Ever since I was a little girl, that was always my thing. And I thought I could actually pursue it in the future as a career at one point of life. But a few years ago, I fell. I fell out of everything. And my passion for dance, music, writing, taking photos, all of that just died. I was also one of those people who did things to make other's proud of me. Thus, I always felt like I wasn't good enough at it. That I was completely rubbish at it and it was a complete total waste of time. And maybe I was rubbish at it. Maybe a decade of dancing and playing the piano was a total waste. But sitting here and going through old pictures, I have never felt happier than when I danced for me and not to please others. Dancing was my escape and there was a point of time when I just danced for myself, and that was the best feeling in the world. Because I had nobody to please. Because the only person who needed to care about what I was doing was me. But not long after that, I became the judgmental one. I was the one who tore myself down based on the critiques of others. And that wasn't healthy. If I could go back in time and shut those voices off, I would still be dancing and playing the piano and I'd be good at it. I'm not entirely blaming the one who tore me down. I'm blaming the one who listened and let it get to me : me. But nevertheless, that was once upon a time ago. And what I'm trying to convey is that if you love something and it makes you happy, do it. Because a few years after I stopped dancing and quit piano, I didn't know who I was. It was like losing a limb and not knowing how you're going to function without it because it was important, it made me whole, it made me who I was. It made Zoe Loh, who she was. So if you love it, whatever that you're doing and if everyone else is telling you to drop it and you're not good at it, trust me when I tell you that you are. You are good at it and you are capable of doing more all because it makes you happy and its something that you love. And that is all that matters. Feel content that you have something you love to do, and you're good at it. Feel good about yourself because you have it. It's true what they say about how nobody can take away the things you love doing except for yourself. It's true. People can say what they want about you, cut off your sponsors for classes, etc. But the only person who can truly take that away from you is yourself. Don't be like me. Don't take it away from yourself. Don't convince yourself that you can't do it. Don't say you're not talented enough, don't make excuses for yourself to not do the things you love. Don't do something you love and have it tear you down just because you think you're not good enough. Everyone is good enough at what they want to do. So don't tear yourself down and beat yourself up and let others define you. Don't. It's not worth it. The regret afterwards is not worth it. So if you're waiting for a sign, if you're unsure of what you want to do or if you should do it, here's your cue. Go. It's possible. Don't give up like I did. :) 

Here's a walk down memory lane for you guys. 

Right after my first performance, 8-10 years ago. I was the happiest girl alive.

Consecutive performances in school. I wouldn't say I was the best, but I was glad I did it. 

Every dancer would have their shoe collection. There was more than this. 

Don't let go of your dreams, it's worth holding on to

Zoe

Food, Things, everything | Random

Started with the Wednesday and messy French Braids 

And super random photography

Mint M&M's and Buttered Popcorn Jelly Belly Jellybeans

Doodle doodle. 

Being in the US, I can actually wear a dress and slippers with my hair down to school. But I honestly would pick my uniforms over it any day. 

The Chocolate Chip Cookie Fix :) 

Cat shirt deserves some credit. 

And.. my first attempt at making sushi. It actually wasn't that bad! 

And that was my week in pictures :) 

Zoe

Escape | Thoughts

Take me home.

 Bring me back to a place where I belong, a place where it's comfortable, a place where I know who I am and where I fit in. Bring me back to the place where I knew where everything is, where I knew my stand. 

I can't do this, not today. I'm not alone. I just don't belong. 

What does anyone expect me to do? 

What am I supposed to do? 

Just take me home. 

I'm only human. And humans break and fall apart. And I know that its okay to break and fall apart, to shine or to shatter, but I don't want to go falling apart and picking up the pieces all over again. Because I'm so tired and even if it was supposed to be some great plan and some beneficial thing, it doesn't seem like the best idea at all. What's the point?  

Friggin Mondays | Life

I cannot express how much I dreaded today. From the moment I woke up to the moment I walked to school, nothing felt right. Even after I came home today, I honestly just wished today was one of those nightmares you can actually wake up from. I guess its so much harder when all you want to do is wake up to normal and comfort. But its even more harder when you know normal and comfort doesn't exist anymore. Not the ones that I'm used to, I guess. Just 9 more months. 9 more months of trying. And hopefully in 9 months normal would exist and comfort would exist too. I'm so tired of trying today.

Zoe

USA Bound : Santa Rosa - Bodega Bay - Etc | Travel

 August | 16th 

"Mini getaway day." Bodega Bay was a last minute plan. Windy, foggy and cold it was. But nevertheless I enjoyed it. :) Pictures were all taken with my phone because Miss Smart here forgot her camera. 

I guess you can try to sweep me away, but I can guarantee you I'll still stand. 

This was the risky standing in the middle of the roads picture. 

August | 17th 

People, music, food, dance and hula hoops 

Mini Oreos to nom noms

Ran 2.4 Miles on Thursday :) 

That was my week. 

Zoe

What I can tell you about "loneliness" | Thoughts, Life

After almost a week of being in a new school, 2 and a half months of being in a new country, here's a few things I can tell you about feeling lonely. There are differences between feeling lonely and looking lonely. 

Feeling lonely. 

This would be the hardest of both because it's worse when you feel lonely. When you feel like you don't belong. When you feel lonely, trust me when I tell you that your self esteem is at it's lowest. It's when you're most vulnerable, its when I'm the weakest. It's when self confidence is awfully low and basically everything else is going down too. And its really different from looking lonely because you could be seating at the steps of the staircase alone or stand awkwardly by the pillars alone but it wouldn't matter what others thought because you're not affected by it and its pretty clear to you that you don't feel lonely, that you're not vulnerable and the best part is when you do feel confident, you honestly just shut off that little voice in your head that tells you that you're lonely and that everybody is judging you when sometimes, or rather most of the times, they don't really care if you're standing there alone or not. Just like you, they do have more important things to worry about than comment on what you're wearing or the fact that you're such a loner you're so alone all the time. I guess what you tell yourself is crucial and in one way or another you can't just depend on the company of others to determine on whether your level of confidence should deter or not. I mean, it would be super great to have company that matters but it also doesn't mean that you need to depend on it. I'm not necessarily trying to be a pessimist, but it's true that you don't always have friends with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and that's okay because we do need to learn to stand on our own sometimes to remind ourselves and we can do it. Nothing else would explain it better than this :

Philippians 4:13 

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

And that's comforting because no one is ever alone. Physically sometimes, yes, I guess. That's been almost my first week of school. But it's been without a doubt that it has been getting better, even by a tiny bit everyday. Would you rather be in a group of people and still feel lonely or look lonely when you don't feel alone? 

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

"She tells me she wants to be a raindrop. She doesn't mind falling as long as she's not alone and raindrops are never alone." - Wong Fu Productions

Zoe

Best.Day.Ever. | Life

I'm not the best optimistic person on earth ever, but I promise I'll try again tomorrow. 

Just let me be now. 

Zoe