What I can tell you about "loneliness" | Thoughts, Life

After almost a week of being in a new school, 2 and a half months of being in a new country, here's a few things I can tell you about feeling lonely. There are differences between feeling lonely and looking lonely. 

Feeling lonely. 

This would be the hardest of both because it's worse when you feel lonely. When you feel like you don't belong. When you feel lonely, trust me when I tell you that your self esteem is at it's lowest. It's when you're most vulnerable, its when I'm the weakest. It's when self confidence is awfully low and basically everything else is going down too. And its really different from looking lonely because you could be seating at the steps of the staircase alone or stand awkwardly by the pillars alone but it wouldn't matter what others thought because you're not affected by it and its pretty clear to you that you don't feel lonely, that you're not vulnerable and the best part is when you do feel confident, you honestly just shut off that little voice in your head that tells you that you're lonely and that everybody is judging you when sometimes, or rather most of the times, they don't really care if you're standing there alone or not. Just like you, they do have more important things to worry about than comment on what you're wearing or the fact that you're such a loner you're so alone all the time. I guess what you tell yourself is crucial and in one way or another you can't just depend on the company of others to determine on whether your level of confidence should deter or not. I mean, it would be super great to have company that matters but it also doesn't mean that you need to depend on it. I'm not necessarily trying to be a pessimist, but it's true that you don't always have friends with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and that's okay because we do need to learn to stand on our own sometimes to remind ourselves and we can do it. Nothing else would explain it better than this :

Philippians 4:13 

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

And that's comforting because no one is ever alone. Physically sometimes, yes, I guess. That's been almost my first week of school. But it's been without a doubt that it has been getting better, even by a tiny bit everyday. Would you rather be in a group of people and still feel lonely or look lonely when you don't feel alone? 

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

"She tells me she wants to be a raindrop. She doesn't mind falling as long as she's not alone and raindrops are never alone." - Wong Fu Productions

Zoe